I miss my confident self.

Confidence.

A simple word but in practice, has such great magnitude on our lives.

I used to be confident I stress the word "used" that part of me died which sounds tragic and sad but to me its shameful because how can I let the words of people I don't even see anymore or talk to eat my confidence alive with no mercy. How can I let their venom corrode the part of me that I was truly proud of, ever since I was a kid I was confident in anything. I was confident in making friends, standing up in class or defending my friends from bullies everyone was aware of it some people loved it others envied it.

Being in a girl's school wasn't so bad I made sure to never compare myself to anyone but have fun was it a conscious effort? Nah it wasn't, it came naturally to me but at the age of 14-15 things changed the one feature of mine that I never noticed or even cared about, it was just seamlessly part of me became an enemy I resented it...... my forehead. Yes I know it sounds ridiculous but you don't understand I was teased in a 'friendly' manner in front of my science class by these girls who had insecurities of their own it got to me and how very sad that is.

I miss my confident self, the one with the easy smile the one who holds her head up high.

Now I'm just a girl who overthinks too much about things that shouldn't matter :(

Perceptions

Growing up, I was taught that Africa was poor by nature but I was told Africa was mineral-rich, a wealthy continent hidden 


by greed and poverty.This conflicted with my ideas of poor black children walking miles for food and water.




Rape is the only crime on the books for which arguing that the temptation to commit it was too clear and obvious to resist 


is treated as a defence. For every other crime, we call that a confession.

Afrobeats: Get on it!

Afrobeats is music derived from West Africa, mainly Nigeria and Ghana. Full of energy that intices you to dance without thinking and smile without knowing.

TOP SONGS TO LISTEN TO (if you're new to it) :

Kolom by Buk Bak


Turn me on by Kevin Lyttle (that ain't it, but I consider it as)



Ijo Sona by Sona



Adonai  (Alkayida remix) by Sarkodie ft Castro



Antenna by Fuse



Million Pound Girl by Fuse



Zagada by LNDC



Alkayida by Guru   ( not the terrorist organisation!)



As you can see, this list is limited because I'm still learning. I'm East African who loves West Africa <3

Anymore songs I should listen to, comment below!

Yummy

Yummy


1983, let see what that baby boy would of be

31 years of broken mem-mories

A victimizer, they painted him

but a victim, living in a world so dim

Oh Yummy! what your life would of been

If you knew the blessing of a childhood

But your toys was the gun and the knife


Your coffin too big for you, your suit too big for you

Died too very soon

Your grandmother who loved you wailed

Your mother who birthed you

Wasn't there


Your life was short like your height

Only 4 foot you were

I wish I was your mum, I wish I was your...

If only someone was there for you


Do not worry,

Heaven is his home now

Not Roseland, but still his spirit lives among

The victims after him

Whose mouths was silenced with one bullet

His life short but his legacy long.


End

Goodbye Yummy

There is endless of cookies in Heaven for you.

Good

When humans do good, we inspire others to do good.

And that will lead to a chain of goodness.

And nothing can break that.

Unless we forget the meaning of being human.


And that will be a dreadful day.


H.Obsiye

Just the beginning....

'New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.' Lao Tzu

5 years of an ERA. Ended.

My time at Haggerston School, how to describe it.... a rollercoaster ride would be an understatement.

It treasures my highs and my lows, in its treasure chest. The memories of going through puberty whilst worrying about factorising in maths, the memories of endless classes whilst dreaming this to end.... and the making friends. I'll tell you how I met my good friend Crystal Bokongo, I met her in French class and she went to go get glue and I found an opportunity to say 'Hi ! ' without the stares of other people.

I said to her, 'What's your name?' like a creepy perv

And she was like 'Crystal' a bit hesitantly or maybe I was just being insecure.

Then I replied with a bright smile on my face, 'Like Crystal Clear.'

And she was like ' Yeaaah....'  Her reply trailed off, just like she did to her seat, far away from the 'freak'.

Hahahaha, I will never forget that.

Anyway, my time at Haggerston is not a book to be closed but merely a chapter to be turned. I wish all my classmates the very best and achieving whatever they want. We were the last girls group to finish, and we deserve a majestic ending.

I got my results, 1 A*, 2 As , multiples of Bs and 1 C and .... 1 D ( that was in Technology, I expected it and deserved it) You ask if I'm happy? Well, I'm a bit disappointed but my mum is either more, she's asking for a re-mark which costs £45+ . One day she will realise that grades does not dictate your intellectual ability, but I do not blame her.

Do I blame myself? No, because I worked incredibly hard God knows that and he has rewarded me, this grades was written in stone, before I even wrote a single word on the paper because God has a plan, a righteous plan. This was written in my destiny. And I gladly accept it.

My destiny, you ask? (sorry you're not asking but I need a good transition)

Only God knows my destiny, but after this I hope to get accepted to my dream college Clapton and study Biology, Chemistry, Maths and English Lit for 2 years. And then in university, study medicine.

The reason I want to study medicine, even though its the most cliche choice, is not because of the money (cliche) but because I want to live a great story I want to help my country and other countries, I want to help children to be able to have a good life and open up their results, and get even better grades then me!

Mark Twain, who I love said.
'The two most important days of your life is the day you were born and the day you find out why.'

I found out why and now I need to fulfill it.

The only thing that can stop me is death. Insha'allah (God willing) I will get to be whatever I want to be,and you too.

 Be happy for nothing. 

but live a great life. :)

Do not judge a book by its cover- Tupac edition

Tupac Shakur: The Man, The Mystery



The mystery I am writing about is why did a young,intelligent,thought-provoking and talented man conform to the stereotypes the white man labelled on him and his community.

'Thug Life'     He was who he was. I understand why he felt he 'owed' something to this life because this is the very life that raised him. The missing father figure in his life was compensated from the brothers on the street who loved him unconditionally Tupac rapped, "showed a young brother love". 

Regardless, after the 1993 sex assault charges to which he adamantly denied (to which I believe him)  everybody he loved or felt a connection with turned their back on him like MTV and the black community. You wonder why I believe him, I know I wasn't there hell! I wasn't even conceived.

But watching countless interviews and stories from people who knew him best, Tupac was a sweet man who only wanted to be loved, listened and appreciated doesn't everybody? His infamous stepfather, Mutulu Shakur wrote an open letter to Tupac my favourite line was this...


"Many couldn't see your dreams or understand your nightmares." :(

Tupac's death hit home because his songs touched a generation of young people who lived the lyrics he rapped about.


Nonetheless, Tupac inspired me to love my heritage which is being a young black girl like he said Marvin Gaye made black be the thing to be.

He made me proud to be black and I can't thank him enough.

Rest in Peace Tupac, have a good rest.